November 1: KFC/Taco Bell

My free Uber trips to SoDo continue. I wanted crunchy tacos. I've found nowhere nearby to get them. Time for a border run! A jointly operated KFC/Taco Bell are in my sights. My Uber driver, who has plaster the seat backs with ads for his personal counseling and errand running services, laughs when he realizes where I'm going. Don't judge me, dude.

Once I'm there, though, the bright shining visage of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel entreats me to order the chicken. They've got a popcorn chicken meal, and my taco crunch craving could be satisfied by a side of chips. OK. Deal done. The truly friendly cashier takes my order and asks my name. To the Colonel, I'm a person, not a number. Sure.

Based on some of the other grungy joints I've seen in SoDo, I didn't have high hopes for this place, but it's clearly had a very recent remodel. One round table's artificial woodgrain positively glows in the light cast by the oversized chicken bucket lamp fixture above. If a group of 10-year-olds were to play "Let's pretend we're the Yum Brands board of directors", this is the table they'd pick.

Fountain drinks are self-serve, much to the delight of a couple of hobos who gently ask the staff for water glasses. Lids are right there. Straws, irrationally, are at a condiment bar several feet away. "Travis?" My order's up.

Dang. I meant to order mashed potatoes, but these wedges will do. The popcorn chicken is a little mushy. Maybe it's supposed to be made with 11 herbs and spices, maybe it just follows them, but it's far from the best KFC I've had. I think there's an herb out of place. The wedges are OK.

The three-layer nachos... well, what do you expect? It's chips in a tray. Yellow cheese (that's the flavor. Yellow. Don't skimp on it.) Reddish brown taco sauce. Grey bean paste. Tastier than it sounds.

I'd do this again. Eventually. If I get free Uber rides again. And if enough folks dare to try it with me, we can play Li'l Directors.

KFC/Taco Bell
2201 4th Ave. S.
Popcorn Chicken Combo, Three-layer nachos, $9.12

"The House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel was what they called it when they were speaking Chinese. Venerable because of his goatee, white as the dogwood blossom, a badge of unimpeachable credibility in Confucian eyes. Inscrutable because he had gone to his grave without divulging the Secret of the Eleven Herbs and Spices."

-- Neal Stephenson, The Diamond Age: or, A Young Lady's Illustrated Primer